Experiential Dimension

Flying in an airplane is one of my least favorite things to do. However, I would not let this fear or dislike keep me from experiencing travel in this country or abroad. I simply have to put my faith or trust in God and try to make the best of the situation. I try to relax and hope I will be watched over and I tell myself that I have too many responsibilities left in this life to not survive an airplane flight.

I have three children who depend on my survival. I have among my three children, a child with special needs. Unfortunately my son is afflicted with muscular dystrophy, which is a progressive disease that causes weakening of all muscles. I have the role of care giver and he is dependent upon me for his every need. I feel that

God has placed a burden upon me but knows I will handle this responsibility. I may feel the need to question, "why me?" or "why my son?" but in my strong commitment to

God, these questions come to mind only briefly and I do not dwell on them or expect answers.

I have gone through many stages of this disease with my son. Some of these stages which are described in “On Death and Dying” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross are relevant to my experience. The first stage referred to as denial, is when the patient and family question a diagnosis. There is denial that this could not be happening to a four-year old child. But when you come down to reality, you must accept that this is real and you must deal with the circumstance. Stage two is when one might ask the question, "Why me?" This is when God and our experience with our beliefs comes into the picture. I believe we are given only what we can handle in life and some of us are given a little more. Bargaining, which is stage three is a postponing of the inevitable.

This is something that I may react to at a later time, however I am thankful for the good things now. In the fourth stage, depression, comes on sporadically. When my son became wheelchair-bound, it was hard to accept the fact that he no longer was capable of walking. However, his depression was short-lived. The wheelchair became his means of independence and he was no longer in constant fear of falling. Stage five is acceptance of the situation. My son has accepted his illness but does not accept it to the extent that he has given up on trying to have a normal existence. As his disease progresses, he will have to deal with the life changes but both of us look to the positive aspects of these changes.

My son is now 22years old and a college senior. He has been enrolled at Temple University in the Honors Program and will graduate summa cum laude from the Department of Journalism in May. In questioning "why" as far as my life's journey, I can only say that the success my son has achieved as an individual far outweighs the burden of taking care of a child with special needs. We will face the challenges that his disease gives us by knowing we can overcome them.

As far as my fear of airplane flights, it all comes back to the fact that I was placed here to complete a journey. My son, as well as my other children, depends on me for their needs. I believe strongly that God will help me to succeed.

Bibliography

Kubler-Ross. On Death and Dying. New York: Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc, 1969.